Happy Birthday to...You!

Way back in our high school days, my friends and I used to go out to dinner once a month and every time we pretended that it was someone else’s birthday.  We would end up getting little things for free-a dessert, a soda, free french fries, but it was never anything too big.  Last week my friends and I tried this again, except instead of going to dinner, we went out in Burlington and oh my jeeze, we got so much free stuff. Not only did we get a free koozie from Ake’s, but many people also offered to buy all six of us drinks. And, we got free pizza from Mr. Mike’s. AND we got to pick all of the songs played at Red Square. It was awesome.

Now, some people may say that this is immoral or unethical, so here are some hints to ensure you have a proper and successful fake birthday, while still being a decent human.

-Make it believable. Wear a crown, sing happy birthday at every bar that you go to, just do something so that people actually believe that it’s your birthday.

-Don’t do it every weekend.  If you make it your birthday every weekend, you’re basically just being an inconsiderate asshole.  And, people might start to recognize you and realize that you can’t have four birthdays in two months.

-Be respectful. Don’t get so belligerent that you can’t thank people for the free shit that you’ll get.  Save that pleasantry for your real birthday. 

So, happy birthday, you! Go out and get some free stuff, you deserve it.